So now I have been told, by my son and my wife, that worrying so much about keeping my ego out of my writing is a big focus on ego.  AAArrgh!  It’s really so confusing.  Here I am… trying to write about major issues of consciousness and the evolution of humanity, and I can’t even figure out who is doing the writing.

Happy mother’s day, mom.  Do you have any advice for me?

peace…….ag

How much chutzpah does it take to say you are writing something from God?  Biblical writers have done it… prophets have done it… sages have done it… and weirdos have done it.  I guess the key is to do it while keeping yourself out of the equation.  Of course, if I went into a trance and came out to find a finished manuscript or paragraph or even word or two it would be easier to say that writing was not mine but came through me.  Since I do not lose my consciousness, it becomes harder to say.

On the other hand… isn’t that what this New Consciousness is all about?  Awareness? Living between “I” and I… between God and Self… recognizing who you really are at your absolute core.  I cannot be ashamed… or embarrassed… or worried that I am looked on as a freak.  I must be true to what I know to be true.  However, minimizing me and my personality might not be a bad idea.

peace……ag

I seem to have hit on the crux of the problem.  I have been given access to the structure of creation… the nature of reality… the Oneness… God… whatever you want to call it.  I know that this little piece of meat… the one putting these words down on the computer… is not that important.  In fact, this little piece of meat is no more nor no less important than any of the other pieces of meat.  So why have I gotten the message while there are so many others out there who are still hating and killing and clearly not in on everything I’ve been exposed to?

The answer would be based on the filters surrounding this piece of meat that makes it unique.  What can it do best?  In particular, what can it do better than any other piece of meat?  What are the filters through which “I” see the world?  Clearly, as I look at my life from the beginning to the end, one thing stands out. As long as this body is alive… I am a conduit that can get these truths into the physical world.  And whatever I can get into writing will be able to teach long after I’m gone.  That’s the goal. Now how to do it?

peace………….ag

Cinco de Mayo!  Had chili for dinner… drank tequila… chili chocolate for dessert… and the Giants’ uniform said GIGANTES.  Cool.  Life can be so much fun when you just go with it.  Gotta think more about what I wrote yesterday… about anonymity.  I know I don’t care about name and fame and stuff like that.  But, does it matter in terms of anyone who reads my work, whether there is a name associated with it or not.   I’ll have to think about that one for a bit.

The one thing that I do know is that all of this writing that I’ve done over the years… the experiences… the learning… the aha experiences… they couldn’t all have been just for me.  Could they?

peace……….ag

I went through a bunch of my old writings this morning.  Apparently I’ve been thinking and writing about reality… and who “I” am… and stuff like that for a long time.  Not much has changed.  Oh… there has certainly been progress in getting deeper and deeper to the center of it all… and I have changed some ways of putting it out there.  Used to refer to the Oneness as… ‘I’.   Now use… “I”.  No biggie.

But even then… years ago… I was still trying, hoping, wondering… how was all this stuff going to get out there?  Nothing has changed.  I’m still wondering.  I know it’s not about me.  So maybe that’s the ticket.  I’ve got to do it all anonymously.  Here’s a quote from Meditation on the Tao, a 1989 article, I published  in Quest Magazine.

The Tao was first experienced and recognized for what it is, as far as we are aware, by a man known today as Lao Tzu.  Lao Tzu in Chinese means Old Sage, or Old Man, or Wise One.  We don’t even know today what this great seer’s name really was, because he was so good at keeping his anonymity and staying out of the public eye. That is a part of the Tao.  It is proof that he knew what he was talking about.

Perhaps there is a lesson in there for me twenty-seven years later.

peace………..ag

I have a doctor’s appointment later on today.  There was a dentist appointment last week and I know I ‘m going to need to see the eye doctor in the fairly near future.  I have a friend who is only a few years older than I am.  The only things she does to get out of the house are going out to eat… neither she nor her husband like to cook… and doctor’s appointments.  Is that what I’m coming to?  NO!  I definitely like to cook.

peace…..ag

Back from the gym.  First time in over a week and I’m surprised it went so easily.  I was also contacted by a fellow who is writing a piece about a barbershop chorus that I conducted over 40 years ago.  Could he talk to me?  What do I remember?  OMG. He can certainly talk to me.  But there’s very little that I remember.  Interesting.  It was an important part of my life way back then, but what has come with me to here and now from there and then?  Very little apparently.  At least consciously.  Is there anything unconscious that has affected my life?  By definition, I guess I’ll never know.

peace……..ag

It’s been one of those days.  I really don’t want to do anything but nap.  So I will.

peace…..ag

There is a definite difference in feeling that I have to do something to get my teaching out there vs. simply responding to inputs that come to me and by so doing, my teachings will get out there… to whatever degree they are supposed to.  We are so tied to results, above and beyond simple experiencing what we are doing, that we lose the joy of the experience. itself.  What a waste.  For some reason, that subtle difference has reached me after all these years and there is a great feeling of relaxation as I live my understanding and let things fall as they may.  May it prove the same for you.

peace……ag